CANOE — CNEWS – World: Al-Zarqawi mocks U.S. military:
The video was believed the first to show al-Zarqawi’s face. The bearded, black-clothed terrorist leader, thought to be about 40, was in a flat desert landscape, dotted with scrub brush as if after a spring rain, that looked startlingly like Iraq’s western Anbar province.

The footage showed him and about two dozen insurgents, masked and dressed in black uniforms, undergoing combat training.

In another scene, al-Zarqawi was filmed inside, sitting with his lieutenants and Anbar’s insurgent commander, according to a caption in the video. The men, sitting on traditional Arab cushions and mats, could be seen discussing strategy over a large map spread on the ground.

“Any government which is formed in Iraq now -whether by Shiites or Zionist Kurds, or those who are dubbed Sunnis – would only be a stooge,” al-Zarqawi said in the video. “They are a poisoned dagger in the heart of the Muslim nation.”

You know, it boggles the mind. It really does. He seems more pissed off at his own people than the Americans.

Dipshit.

USATODAY.com – TV images skewing Americans’ view of peaceful Islam, Muslim leaders say:
American Muslim leaders say they are facing an increasingly tough public relations battle as they fight to portray their faith as non-violent.

Some Muslims say conveying a peaceful image of Islam is tougher now than it was after the Sept. 11 attacks, and they blame a daily barrage of negative media images.

Of course. CNN was responsible for flying jets into the towers, FOX News handled the one that hit the Pentagon and Steven Spielberg killed Israeli athletes in Munich.

Anyone want to blame NPR for the bombs in Dar Es Salam, Nairobi, Beirut, Riyadh and the Cole in Yemen?

I won’t even start on rioting over the cartoons.

Muslims did that. If we don’t police our own, we have no right to complain about a media that talks about us in negative overtones.

And while we’re at it, what ‘Muslim leaders’? These ‘leaders’ sure as shit don’t speak for me.

Playboy in the Muslim world – PittsburghLIVE.com:
Last week, the company published its first Indonesian edition — one that features no nudity — and possibly its last. That’s because Indonesia’s population, mostly Muslim, went nuts. Some folks whipped rocks at the Playboy building.

Indonesians fear that American values are being imported to their culture and that their young women may one day strut around in pumps and streetwalker clothes, just as many of our young women are doing.

What’s worse, they fear Hugh Hefner, now 80, might try to date them.

Arab American Institute:

The Coalition for a Secure Driver’s License has announced an inflammatory and misleading billboard campaign in North Carolina and New Mexico which contains negative images of Arabs and Arab cultural symbols with the message, “Don’t License Terrorists, North Carolina.� The billboard unfairly conflates the question of immigration and national security and casts a shadow of suspicion on Arabs and Muslims, unfairly equating them with terrorism and encouraging an environment that can lead to prejudice and hate crimes. In doing so, the ads utilize false stereotypes and racist rhetoric to promote an anti-immigrant agenda.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I seriously doubt that ski masks, bandanas, automatic weapons, fatigues and rocket launchers are “Arab cultural symbols.” If they are, then we’ve got serious problems that go beyond the billboard.

I’m okay with the idea of not licensing terrorists, but someone should put up a billboard next to it with pictures of Tim McVeigh and the Unabomber and keep the same caption….

IFEX :::
Dar-ul-lfta, the council of religious scholars within the Supreme Court, has issued a fatwa against Ali Mohaqiq Nasab, chief editor of the monthly magazine “Haqoq-e-Zan” (“Women’s Rights”), ruling that he had contradicted verses of the Koran in his articles. Under Islamic or Shariah law, the punishment for apostasy includes the death penalty. Nasab was arrested on 1 October 2005 and sentenced to two years’ imprisonment for blasphemy, for publishing allegedly anti-Islamic articles in his magazine.

I’m working on an essay for ProgressiveIslam.org and have come across this. Since my essay has to do with freedom of speech, this bit is pretty relevant.

Now, in my essay, I maintain a fairly civil tongue and attempt to address the issue with reason and calm.

But this is my blog. It’s my rumpus room, my stomping ground, which means I can say this:

If this is the sort of crap that the Afghan Dar-ul-Ifta is doing these days, then it is obvious that they are made up of a bunch of despicable, ignorant little pussies who don’t have the balls to fight words with words. “Off with his head!” is not a reasonable response, it is the response of cowardly eunuchs who haven’t half a brain with which to advocate and defend their beliefs. If this is the face of Afghan democracy, then let’s conquer them right and proper and impose western law by force.

Sovereignty is no cover for injustice. The Afghan Dar-ul-Ifta’s ruling is crap, unIslamic and reeks of cowardice. Grow up, you fools.

Daily Times – Site Edition: OIC summit to repair Islam’s image

MECCA: Leaders of the 57-nation Organisation of the Islamic Conference meet later this week in Saudi Arabia to restore a moderate image of Islam, harmed by terror attacks carried out by extremists.

You know, the issue is not one of image. IT’S OF PEOPLE BLOWING SHIT UP IN THE NAME OF ISLAM! IT’S OF PERVASIVE FUNDAMENTALISM THROUGHOUT THE UMMAH! IT’S OF IGNORANCE AND BRUTALITY AND MISOGYNY AND HATE AND INJUSTICE AND FANATICISM AND BIGOTRY AND REPRESSION AND CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY IN ISLAMIC SOCIETIES!

But sure, ya’ll go right ahead and talk about image. ‘Cause that’s what’s really important.

Pussies.

Chennai Online News Service – View News: Film-maker dismisses Muslim groups protest

Mumbai, Dec 3: Film-maker Akbar Khan has dismissed reported objections of some Muslim organisations to kissing and lovemaking scenes in his recently released film ‘Taj Mahal: An eternal love story’.

For goodness’ sake! If you don’t like a movie don’t watch it, you prudish, puritanical assholes!

Iran Focus-News – Special Wire – Iran rips Europe for abusing Muslim minorities’ rights:

Iran’s Foreign Ministry summoned on Thursday British ambassador to Tehran Sir Richard Dalton to protest what it called human rights abuses in the United Kingdom and the European Union, which is under the rotating presidency of London.

Kettle! Hey, Kettle! Yeah, it’s Pot! Dude, you’re Black!

Shariah on the soccer field – International Herald Tribune:

4. Do not follow the heretics, the Jews, the Christians and especially evil America regarding the number of players. Do not play with 11 people. Instead, add to this number or decrease it.

5. Play in your regular clothes or pajamas or something like that, but not colored shorts and numbered T-shirts, because shorts and T-shirts are not Muslim clothing. Rather they are heretical and Western clothing, so beware of imitating their fashion.

6. If you have fulfilled these conditions and intend to play soccer, play to strengthen the body in order to better struggle in the way of God on high and to prepare the body for when it is called to jihad. Soccer is not for passing time or the thrill of so-called victory.

7. Do not set the time of play at 45 minutes, which is the official time of the Jews, Christians and all the heretical and atheist countries. This is the time used by teams that have strayed from the righteous path

The Manchester United v Chelsea match that I’d taped (thank you, Fox Soccer Channel) was on in the background when I stumbled across the story above. I was reading it in growing disbelief, when suddenly, there was an uproar behind me.

Holy shit! Manchester scored!

Gooooooooooaaaaaaaalll!

They won the match eventually, in case you’re interested. 1-0. Chelsea’s 40-win streak bit the dust. Go Manchester!

I turned back to my computer screen and read the rest of the article.

If neither of you beats the other, or “wins” as it is called, and neither puts the leather between the posts, do not add extra time or penalties until someone wins. No, instead leave the field, because winning with overtime and penalty kicks is the pinnacle of imitating heretics.

What the fuck? No, this would not stand. This called for – you guessed it – a FOTWA (Fatwa Of The Week from America).

FOTWA #3: On Soccer.

It has come to the attention of the SICOTWWWLAIBB (Supreme Islamic Council Of The Whole Wide World Located At Ilan Bashir’s Blog) that there are some Damn Fool Clerics (DFC’s) issuing some Damn Fool Fatwas (DFF’s) that not only effect changes in the way that soccer is played, but screw up the game completely. We have discussed this amongst ourselves during our weekly fondue night (we dumped the luau – see FOTWA #2 for explanation) and have decided that this DFF on Soccer is not just a DFF, but a DFF Of The Most Egregious Sort (DFFOTMES).

This DFFOTMES messes with the most Holy of sports. No one, save Allah himself, or FIFA, may mess with the rules of soccer, nor its traditions, its values or, frankly, any other aspect of soccer.

It is therefore the unanimous vote of the SICOTWWWLAIBB (well, Achmed is in the bathroom – the queso con carne fondue didn’t agree with him, but we’re sure he’s with us on this) that not only is the Fatwa issued by the Damn Fool Clerics above a complete and total travesty, but that it is against Islam itself. We therefore negate that fatwa completely, thus restoring the rightful balance of the universe.

It is also the unanimous vote of the SICOTWWWLAIBB (yes, Achmed’s back – no, wait, there he goes again) that no fatwas are to be issued from this day forth on the subject of Soccer by any clerics at all. The most Holy of sports is to be left alone by the clergy and under no circumstances is any aspect of it to come under scrutiny by anyone with a title such as “Sheikh”, “Imam”, “Mufti” or any such.

It is also the unanimous vote of the SICOTWWLAIBB (damnit, Achmed, stay in the bathroom) that as penalty for this Damn Fool Fatwa Of The Most Egregious Sort, the clerics who wrote this fatwa are to have a horde of drunken Scottish soccer fans beat the shit out of them. The same punishment will be applied to the writers of any other fatwas on soccer – though we reserve the right to switch the Scottish fans with Irish ones as well.

Now, let us be clear. This FOTWA is an important one. Not only does it countermand an existing fatwa, but it also lays a penalty on the original fatwa writers and set up penalties for any future fatwas on a specific topic.

It is – are you ready for this? – a preemptive FOTWA.

It’s unprecedented. Surprising. Astonishing, even.

Have we blown your mind?

Of course, Allah knows best.

Until next week’s FOTWA, this is Ilan Bashir on behalf of the SICOTWWWLAIB, wishing you good night, and good luck.